Home' Central Canterbury News : July 17th 2013 Contents 19
CENTRAL CANTERBURY NEWS, JULY 17, 2013
SMITH & BOSTON
Prebbleton Village | Ph: 3495-646
Cultivating the Kiwi male
Looking good: Well? Which one of these is you, mate?
to lift your
By JEFF LILLY
Trim your protruding nails and
remove the crud that was left
when you last changed the oil
filter on the ute.
Oscar Wilde once said: ''A man's face is his
autobiography. A woman's face is her work
Hard words, eh?
We are so used to pages in magazines
devoted to a multitude of procedures and
products, all with scientific back-up research
proving that various creams, lotions, injections
and techniques can turn back time; eradicate
wrinkles, veins, spots and saggy bits; and make
us look a good 20 years younger and a lot
And what about the men?
It would seem we men hold all the cards.
Biologically, sperm is cheap -- 1500 of the
things can be produced a second -- but eggs
Typically, women produce one egg a month
and each baby girl is born with her full
lifetime's supply of egg cells (yes, this means
that the egg from which you sprang was
formed inside your maternal grandmother).
American writer Dave Barry points out: ''It is
a well-documented fact that guys will not ask
''This is a biological thing. This is why it
takes several million sperm cells...tolocate
a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is,
relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.''
The thing is, women in the past had to be
a lot more selective about their sexual
partners and men, on the other hand, could
always afford to be less choosy.
They cared a lot less about a woman's
ability to provide and far more about basic
signs of fertility, such as her youth and the
symmetry of her facial features -- a
characteristic associated with beauty and
But times are a'changing and because
women have, during the last 50 years, become
more in charge of their own lives in the sense
of finances, work and property, they can
therefore look at potential partners and take a
different view of what makes up that special
man -- not so much about his ability to
produce offspring, but about how the dude
looks hanging off her arm at a social function.
They now want someone with a brain,
someone who is articulate, has a good sense
of humour and is fun to be with.
Not so important any more is the 4WD and
the quarter acre to many women.
They want an equal, not a boss.
They need to share decisions, not be told
what to do, say, or believe.
What does this mean for men?
I guess we really have to get off our
builders' crack backsides, swap the jug of
draught for a decent tipple and take a little bit
more care in our appearance.
Yep, that means whacking on a bit of
moisturiser. It is not a sissy thing to do, it really
is good for the skin.
Wear some decent socks, not those dodgy-
looking fungus growths that are okay with the
Try listening to some decent music instead
of prehistoric log-thumping interspersed with
guttural screams; reading a book with an
erudite message instead of surfing the cars in
Autotrader; and learn how to cook salmon
with dijon dill sauce, instead of incinerating
rubbery hogget chops on your battered
Get yourself into a pharmacy and pick up
some decent cologne, half-way decent
shampoo and deodorant that doesn't smell
like toxic sheep dip.
Trim your protruding nails and remove the
crud that was left when you last changed the
oil filter on the ute.
Try to look like the man of your woman's
dreams; an image that will make her put down
the Mills & Boon and sigh with anticipation.
Lean nonchalantly against the bedroom door
frame, casually flick those (thinning) slightly
oily locks back from your shoulders, roll your
ruby lips back from freshly cleaned white
teeth, wiggle your eyebrows knowingly and
ripple those wobbly pecs.
Mind you, all that said, you should still --
deep down -- be yourself.
That's why she liked you in the first place,
isn't that right?
As Marlene Dietrich said: ''Most women set
out to try to change a man, and when they
have changed him, they do not like him.''
I also remember reading about a study
reported in the Washington Post. It said that
women have better verbal skills than men.
I just want to say to the authors of that
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